Advaita

No postings for one month, and now four in one day! I'm currently resting in Desert View Motel in Yucca Valley, on the edge of Joshua Tree National Park, where I've just spent a few nights camping. It's blisteringly hot and sunny outside. The clothes I washed in the shower a couple of hours ago are almost dry, and they're inside my room! I'm getting hungry, and I'll soon have to venture out and find some tacos...

I've been fascinated with Advaita Vedanta for years. Advaita means non-duality in sanskrit, and it is one of the six major schools of thought of India (yoga being another of these six). Basically, it says we are not our body, not our mind, not our thoughts, not our personality, not anything we can think of... Anything we can think of is an object, and since all objects come and go, we cannot be that. So what does that leave us? Subject, pure subject without an object, pure consciousness. Advaita says that is our true nature, this sense of being. We have access to this at all times (right now for example!), we've always been that and nothing we do can tarnish it. In other words, we're already complete, enlightened, perfect, we just think we aren't because we identify with the contents of our minds and with our bodies. Advaita says all our suffering comes from thinking we are our stories.

I've always found this very appealing, but it mostly stayed at the intellectual level, because Advaita doesn't advocate a practise, a form, like Buddhism or yoga do. Advaita describes reality and doesn't really propose exercises to reach that reality, because exercises are form, and Advaita is about the formless, the non-dual. This always left me feeling frustrated. After reading Ramesh Balsekar or Nisargadatta Maharaj or Ramana Maharshi, I'd be left asking "Yes, but how do I get there? And what do I do with my pain?".

Enter the Work. Byron Katie was a very miserable woman until the age of 43. She was an drunk who hit her kids, she hated herself and life. Then one day in 1986, as she lay on the floor of a halfway house (she felt too unworthy to sleep on the bed), a cockroach crawled onto her toe, and she had a sudden realization of what she was under her story of pain and abuse and depression. She spontaneously disidentified from her story. The Work grew out of this experience and aims to help us see that who we think we are is nothing more than a story we believe in. Reality is much kinder than our thoughts about it.

I'm going to a 2-week advaita retreat tomorrow in Temecula, South of here. The retreat leader is Francis Lucille, a well known Advaita teacher who supposedly walks the talk, just like Katie. I'm excited about this, because in my mind, Advaita and the Work are the same thing, except the Work starts from the story end and deconstructs it, whereas Advaita starts from the enlightened, disidentified end, and pulls us toward it. As I see it right now, the Work is Advaita with a method. How refreshing!

Joshua Tree

After the School ended, I went straight to Joshua Tree National Park, about 150 miles East of LA. It's a desert park, with no surface water anywhere at this time of year. I went to one of the two campgrounds that has water taps. This side of the park (the Western end) is part of the Mojave desert, and it's HOT at this time of year!

The reason I chose the desert was I wanted a quiet place to do the Work, and I wanted a striking environment. This really did the trick. I've posted some of my photos (http://picasaweb.google.ca/pbleduc/BuridanSJourney?authkey=Gv1sRgCIyL-ufv__LHdQ#) so you can see how it is here. I was able to do some nice hikes before 8:30 am and after 5 pm. The rest of the time, I lay in the shade under the Joshua trees. And I did the Work pretty much all day, with a bit of reading and occasional short forays into the blistering heat.

Surprisingly there's a lot of life in the desert. The most common birds I saw were cactus wrens, crows, Western Scrub Jays and some others I couldn't identify, and one hummingbird. Lots of squirrels, two foxes, one giant tarantula, one big desert tortoise (footlong shell) which crawled up to me on its way to god knows where. I was hoping to see a rattle snake but no such luck. Lots of vegetation too, surprisingly. By the way, the Joshua Tree looks like a tree at the bottom and Dr. Seuss on top. It's actually not a tree at all but a type of yucca.

The School for the Work

The School is a nine-day workshop during which Byron Katie attempts to make us die. Die to our story, that is... Our identity, who we think we are... The Work is wonderfully simple and yet the most powerful growth tool I've come across. No dogma, no beliefs, no nothing, the Work is a mirrow to ourselves. How does it work? Take any belief which causes you any level of stress or pain (ex. "My boss doesn't respect me"), and ask the following four questions:
1. Is it true?
2. Can you know absolutely that it's true?
3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without that belief?
You then turn the thought around in as many ways as possible and find examples for each turnaround. "My boss doesn't respect me" becomes "My boss respects me", "I don't respect my boss" and "I don't respect myself". Find at least three examples of how each turnaround might be true.

The Work is written meditation, and it jostles and loosen things up. All painful emotions are caused by at least one thought. For example if you're angry right now, maybe you're thinking "My dad never listens to me" or something like that. You then do the work on the thought "My dad never listens to me" and see what happens. Wonderfully simple and very powerful!

Something has changed inside me, and I feel confident about dealing with what still needs to change, which is a new feeling for me. I'm questioning everything I've believed was true and realizing all of it is just thought, and not real. Part of me has indeed died at the School, a little bit of my story. It's refreshing to discover who we are without the story. More details at www.thework.com.

Kokanee Glacier Provincial Park

Wow, has it realy been a month since I've written? I'll be adding a few pictures in a minute...

Here is a summary of Buridan's progress since I last wrote:
- total of three weeks in Nelson, BC
- disastrous camping out in Kokanne Glacier Provincial Park
- a week in Victoria visiting many friends there
- nine days in LA doing Byron Katie's School for the Work
- six days in Joshua Tree National Park

The three weeks in Nelson went by very quickly. Some highlights for me were:
- running to Ymir one morning (35 km along an old railway track converted into a trail)
- rediscovering my love for tennis and hanging out with the tennis crew
- hanging out with new friends from the White House Hostel - a fantastic place
- meeting a few of the locals in the yoga/spiritual community

During my last weekend there, I decided to go spend two nights up in Kokanee Glacier Provincial Park. I bought an emergency bivy sack and a blanket, and away I went. The walk up from the highway to the parking lot was long - 16 km - and then 7 more km to Kokanee lake and Garland lake, where I camped. It was beautiful (see pictures at http://picasaweb.google.ca/pbleduc/BuridanSJourney?authkey=Gv1sRgCIyL-ufv__LHdQ#), and since it's spring up there (the snow was still melting in early August), the mosquitoes and black flies feasted on me. Then around 7:45 pm, it started hailing and raining, and thunder and lightning soon followed. I hid under some pine trees and wondered where the hell I'd put my bivy. I froze all night on a miniature, sloped patch of ground under some trees that dripped on the bivy until morning. Useless to say, my two-night expedition became a one-nighter and I scampered back downhill first thing in the morning!

Picasa photos

I'm learning how to use the supposedly user-friendly Picasa software, and of course not finding it very user-friendly at all, because I want it to be simple and it's not. However, I did manage to create some albums, and to publish a small selection of pictures for those who want to see more than those I'm attaching in the blog. I'm only uploading a few, so you don't get bored looking at a hundred photos. Instead, I will try to select a few that I find interesting.

The address is http://picasaweb.google.ca/pbleduc/BuridanSJourney?authkey=Gv1sRgCIyL-ufv__LHdQ#

Yasodhara Ashram

The Yasodhara Ashram was opened in the fifties by Swami Radha, one of the first female Western swamis. It's set on the waterfront on the East side of Lake Kootenay. The site is stunningly beautiful. I decided to visit today with a friend. We left early in the morning, hitchhiked to the ferry, crossed the lake and walked to the ashram. They run many programs during the summer, but their main one is from January to March every year. It is a personal development program based on self-inquiry. When I first arrived to Nelson ten days ago, I met a Danish guy who'd just retruned from there, having taken the course and stayed on for a few extra months to do "karma yoga" (volunteer work). He said the program turned him inside out and he learned more about himself during those three months than in his previous 33 years.

Another interesting tidbit of info that might interest the yogis among you. Apparently, Swami Radha was about 43 when she heard the call to go to India. There she met her guru Swami Sivananda, in Rishikesh. He initiated her in his lineage, against the wishes of his entourage, who didn't want a woman in their ranks. He protected her until he died, after which she was shoved aside, it would seem, and she came back to Canada. By then she had learned what she needed to learn and had also studied under other teachers. There is a strong Tibetan connection at the ashram, prayer flags and vajrayana images everywhere. It would seem Yasodhara yoga combines elements of what Radha learned from Sivananda, but also from other traditions.

Vipassana, part 2

My good friend Seb asked me a few questions about the retreat which made me realize I want to add a few things about the experience. For example, the two attached pictures. The building is the Vipassana Centre just outside Sutton. It is set on top of a hill which overlooks a valley. Beautiful view and very interesting place, because the weather was so changing. I thought this was very fitting, since Buddhism is all about realizing that everything changes and so we have to bend with the wind like a reed.

There were also cabins in the woods, which were used by returning students, whereas the new students like myself lodged in the main building. It seems Blogger's not letting me attach a second pic, if anyone knows how come, please let me know!

Vipassana retreats aim to put students in uncomfortably close proximity with themselves... All distractions are eliminated: no communication with others (either verbal or through eye-contact), no exercise, music, reading, writing, sex, drinking, etc. I think the retreat is designed this way in order to help people be with their minds only. Patterns become more noticeable when you just sit and have no distractions. I noticed that my mind would get in a rut for hours at a time and then move on to another topic or desire. For example, I might spend half a day thinking about what I want to do for the rest of the summer, or about a conflict situation with someone.

The mind wanders a lot and we're told to simply bring it back to the technique every time we notice it's gone off on a tangent. For me it's easy to get frustrated with how fleeting my mind is, but this also is a habit pattern, and something to be acknowledged. It also is impermanent, ie it comes and goes. All thoughts and emotions come and go.

The retreat ended almost two weeks ago already, and although I don't meditate two hours a day, which is what the teacher says we should do, I do sit every day and I find this very grounding. I also notice my thoughts and emotions more throughout the day, and perhaps I'm a little more accepting of them. It's so easy to have cravings and aversions (attachments), but they always come with pain because they keep the reed from bending, and an unbending reed is an unhappy reed! The point is not to want nothing, but to observe your own mind and accept what happens in there, and remind yourself that all the thoughts that come to you are fleeting.

WWOOF

Willing Workers on Organic Farms. This is an international movement whereby anyone, with any background, can stay with an organic farmer and work 5-6 hours a day in exchange for room and board. The WWOOFing website lists farms in practically every country in the world, and many people find this is a very rewarding way of travelling.

When I was planning my summer a few months ago, I found this place on the East side of Lake Kootenay which hosts WWOOFers. It's called Johnson's Landing Retreat Centre, a peaceful place tucked away on a mountain side in the Purcell Mountains, about 2.5 hours from Nelson. I got there last Thursday, a week ago already, and I was blown away by the beauty of the place. This picture was taken just below the Centre, by the lakeside.

It was the last day of a Buddhist retreat, and so there were several guests. The Centre hosts retreats year-round and people come from all over to attend. Buddhism, yoga, taichi, Tantra, etc. The retreat leaders also come from all over. The Centre is remote, and the owners want to be as independent as possible: grow their own food, produce their own electricity. I found this very inspiring and wanted to help out in the garden, and learn a thing or two about organic gardening. Here is a pic of their garden.

Unfortunately, the work conditions didn't suit me, and I left the next day. I was a little disappointed, but I think it was the best thing to do. I have met many WWOOFers who have had excellent experiences, and I was tempted to look for another farm in the area, but decided I'm enjoying my freedom too much right now.

Vipassana

Vipassana is a type of Buddhist meditation that aims to strengthen mental focus and ultimately develop perfect equanimity to everything. Since nothing lasts, getting attached to something – whether it’s a person, an object or a thought – can only bring suffering, because sooner or later it will pass.

I attended a Vipassana retreat in Sutton from July 2 to 11. It was soooo tough! We sat for 12 hours a day on cushions, with legs crossed, and tried to practise the Vipassana technique. What a ride. First there is a lot of physical pain from having no back rest and from sitting with legs crossed for so long. And then there is the constant mental activity, the noise of thoughts that makes it so difficult to focus on a mental exercise for more than a few seconds…

These retreats are silent and designed to put us face to face with ourselves. All distractions are forbidden: exercise, reading, writing, talking (and all forms of communication with others), listening to music, email, etc. There is no escape from ourselves, we have to sit with our minds, and it’s not easy! My mind was constantly resisting, telling me this is too hard, too painful, not a good technique, etc.

So what did I get out of the experience, other than the pride of making it out with both legs intact? A few things, but maybe most importantly a way of dealing with my thoughts, emotions and desires. In meditation, you become aware that nothing lasts, each breath and thought comes and goes. Thoughts come and go, painful and pleasant sensations come and go. It’s good to just sit back and observe. Take an itch, for example. Instead of scratching, watch the itch increase in intensity and then diminish and finally vanish. I've been observing my thoughts and emotions more. If you’re angry, you can express it or suppress it, but the Buddhist way is to observe your anger like you’d watch a wave: it rises and subsides and then it’s gone. The problem with suppressing anger is that it eventually boils over and makes a mess, not to mention the disconnection with ourselves that happens when we don't acknowledge our own emotions; the problem with expression is it feeds immediate gratification and ultimately cuts into us, although it’s aimed outwardly. Observing is a full acknowledgement of emotion and of its temporary nature. It brings you closer to yourself.

I’ll probably have more to add later, but this is what I’m thinking right now.

Buridan's donkey

There is this story about Buridan's donkey. He is faced with the dilemma of having to choose between a haystack and a pail of water, but he can't decide whether he is more hungry or more thirsty. He stands there contemplating his options and is paralyzed with indecision. In the end, Buridan's donkey dies of both starvation and thirst.

I've been thinking about this story, because I have felt paralyzed with ambivalence for some time, unsure what to do and where to invest my energy. I think incessantly about options and come to no conclusion. It is both yes and no at the same time... Things look equally appealing and unappealing, and I end up feeling stuck.

However I have now made some decisions in the past months, such as taking a break from an office job and going travelling. I had many options to keep working in Ottawa, and I chose not to. What the story doesn't say is if you give a donkey a haystack and a pail of water, it will both eat and drink at the same time until the hay and the water are gone.

This is the story of Buridan's donkey and how he moves from indecision to eating and drinking all he wants. The first stop is a Vipassana retreat in Sutton from July 1 to July 12.